kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
