I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
