we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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