Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
