i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize