The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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