Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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