It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Hippo gnu deer
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
