my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
