you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
