cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I could make wine with my vomit
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
This is the high leading the old right now
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
