WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
