I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
So vagazzling was a success
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize