I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She announced her abortion via fbk
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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