Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
