It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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