Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
