they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
