I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
