Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
