Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
