My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize