I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
