So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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