The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
