Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
