You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
