So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
