let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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