i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
