this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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