He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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