you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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