just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
