Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize