What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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