I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
