Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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