she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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