everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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