mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
