I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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