My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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