He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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