If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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