they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
