I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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