those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
