all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
