So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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