Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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