Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
