I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
you had me at cake vodka
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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