I forgot how hot balto sounded
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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