Three words: puerto rican gang bang
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize