Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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