where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
