He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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