it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
