tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Randomize
