sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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