i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
