I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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