Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
