I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Semen is not good for contacts.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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