I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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