I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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