I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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