thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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