Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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