when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
