if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
sarcasm needs its own font
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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