We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
