Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
