I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
