I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
