Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
