And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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