Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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