I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
