I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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