i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
