If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
